Twine Encyclopaedia: Vampire (Ree)

"I think I should warn you all, when a vampire bites it, it's never a pretty sight. No two bloodsuckers go the same way. Some yell and scream, some go quietly, some explode, some implode, but all will try to take you with them." -- Edgar Frog, [The Lost Boys]

Powers

Some vampires have access to powerful magics. Even those that don't may have some supernatural abilities, but this cannot be proven. The only known specimen of subtype R to date is Pasht, who has magic up the butt and some to spare. Her physical strength (startling in so small a form), pallor, and awe-inspiring self-healing are doubtless part of her vampiric transformation, accompaning the primary change: bloodlust.

Vampiric Weaknesses

(from least to most effective): Holy symbols (excepting those with deep personal meaning) don't bother this subtype. They can sleep wherever they please, at night instead of day if it pleases they. Running water, wild roses, and lack of engraved invitation do not deter them. Sunlight produces a severe, smoking suburn in moments, but can be prevented with magic or SPF 500. ;) Vampires of subtype R suffer anaphylaxis to silver or garlic, but their innate regeneration heals them shortly after such an object is withdrawn. Subject Pasht is known to suffer various personality disorders, possibly due to some unknown effect of subtype R vampirism on an unusual human brain.

True Death

Lore holds that there are three sure ways to kill even vampires. The wooden stake through the heart has been infamous, but new subtypes of vampire are appearing that may be immune to this method. It is unknown if subtype R ranks among these impossibly unkillable vampires.

More effective methods are suggested for common use. Decapitation and incineration are recommended, as few major species can survive for long without her brains attached, and burns just really f'narking hurt, dude. Most researchers suggest burying the remains and covering them with garlic; if enough ash is left for the vampire to retain regeneration, the allergen cancels out this ability, and the vampire cannot rise again. Subtypes that do not die by stake are generally incapacitated by such, so all four methods combined are a hunter's best bet against a nasty vampire:

Stake
Chop
Grill
Garnish

Presto! You now have either a very dead-dead vampire or a lovely Martha Stewart dish. If the latter is the case, repeat steps as needed; some species of evil are very resilient.

I still find the numbered list entirely too comical. --Ree

: It is delightful. --...Mutt